STICKS AND
STONES
 |
| Justin and Joshua in 2009 |
At times I let my frustration and feelings
of helplessness get the best of me as the inability to control Justin’s
seizures began to affect his development.
I knew his well-being depended on my understanding his medical problems,
but I was lost in all the terminology from his doctors and therapists. I read everything I could get my hands on,
but it went over my head. I continued to
search for something to make sense and give me a glimmer of hope that my son
would be alright.
I
found that glimmer of hope when Justin was labeled developmentally delayed at
sixteen months of age. I was determined
to work hard with Justin so he could get back on target with his development,
but the next year and a half would prove to be a very trying time for us
both. With every step forward Justin
made in progress, his seizures knocked him back two. It never seemed to break
Justin’s spirit even though it broke my heart every time he had to relearn
walking, talking, and going to the potty.
Evaluations had also become a big part of
our lives, so I thought nothing of it when the school system wanted to run
their tests when he was three years old.
After all I didn’t expect to learn anything new, but I was surprised
when it took longer to fill out their forms and answer questions than it took
for them to conduct their evaluation.
When all was said and done, I wanted to know if they found him delayed
also, but was only told the results would be mailed to me. Nothing to do now but wait, I thought to
myself as we left the office.
And wait is what I did. After two weeks the day finally arrived when
I opened the mailbox and saw the letter I had been expecting. I walked back home and sat at the kitchen
table. I held the letter in my hand for
a long time before I finally decided to open it. I took a deep breath and ran my finger under
the flap of the envelope to retrieve the two page letter. “Why am I so nervous?” I asked myself. “This one will say he’s delayed also.” My eyes began to search for the words that
had given me hope for the past year and a half, but they were nowhere to be
found.
Instead my eyes fixated on the big X mark
next to “mental retardation.” I closed
my eyes and shook my head as if it would change the words I had just read. They’ve sent me the wrong results I thought
while quickly looking at the envelope and then the letter. Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw
Justin’s name on both. I threw them to
the other side of the table and buried my face in my hands. My vision of a normal life for my son grew
dimmer with each tear that fell.
I cried
until I had no tears left to cry and I prayed until I had no prayer left to
pray. Many questions raced through my
mind. What do I do now? How would people treat him when they find
out? Would he ever be truly
accepted? I have found my questions have
been answered over time.
What I did was continue to love and help
Justin as I did before. I have watched
him succeed at things and I’ve watched him fail at things, but that’s no
different than the rest of us. We all
succeed and fall short. We just have to
be willing to pick ourselves up and keep going.
I also haven’t had to worry too much about
how people treat Justin. He has such an
outgoing personality and loves just about everyone. The ones that really take the time to know
Justin become smitten with him. He has
buddies just about everywhere we go and if he isn’t with me, they always ask
where their buddy is. Of course we’ve
run into some rude people but I just try to brush it off and focus on the
positive.
In closing, I would have to say Justin is
who he is and I love and accept him no matter what. God knew what He was doing when he created
Justin and I should not question what I can’t fully understand. I’ve watched Justin grown into the handsome,
sweet young man he is today and my heart fills with pride knowing how far he
has come even with all the obstacles that have been thrown his way.
As always, thanks for
reading.
Angela