Climbing Jacob's Ladder

CLIMBING JACOB’S LADDER

Justin in 2007
 

      I knew it would be a trip to the doctor when Justin cried out in pain as he got out of bed.  I ran to his side and cradled him in my arms and looked at his badly discolored, swollen toe that he hurt the night before.  “It’s ok sweetie.  Mommy’s right here.” I said as I kissed his cheek. “Hurt bad.”  He whimpered.   “I know baby.  I know.”  I replied as I scooped him up in my arms and toted him to the living room.

        I sat him in the blue recliner and he tearfully looked up at me and asked “A do now mama?”  “I have to call the doctor.”  I said as I wiped away a tear.  “Pease mama pease!  No doctor!  No doctor.”  Justin pleaded while wrapping his thin arms around my neck.   I tried to reassure him things would be okay as I reached for the phone, but once again his hazel eyes filled with tears.  Justin’s regular doctor was away at a conference so he would have to see the doctor on call.  I was uncomfortable with him seeing someone not familiar with his medical history, but at this point I had no choice.  

     The office was a remodeled house and didn’t have the typical hospital atmosphere that most doctor offices have. My fears were relieved when I saw a picture of Jesus inside the front door.  We rounded the corner and a sweet Christian lady greeted us, took our information and asked us to have a seat.  I was surprised to see only a few people in the waiting room.  We were barely seated before Justin’s name was called.  A short, blonde nurse led us back to the exam room where she took his vitals and looked at his toe.  She gave Justin a sympathetic look then said the doctor would be with us shortly.

      Justin and I were skimming through a magazine when we heard a soft knock on the exam room door.  A small, balding man wearing glasses walked in the room while looking over Justin’s chart. There was a gentle spirit about him when he shook my hand and asked if we could start with a prayer.  A peaceful feeling encompassed us as we gathered in a circle and prayed. The doctor then sat on a stool and began to examine Justin’s toe. I cuddled Justin in an attempt to comfort him but the look in his eyes told me he was still scared.  After a few moments passed, the doctor told me that they could drill a hole in the toenail to relieve the pressure, but that would probably be too traumatic for Justin and he suggested leaving it alone.

    As we stood to prepare to leave, Justin said, “Pray.” and pointed toward the doctor.  “You want to pray again?’  I asked as I held him in my arms.  He shook his head yes and placed his hand on the man’s forehead.  The good doctor humbled himself before this special needs child and allowed himself to be prayed for.  A warm and peaceful feeling filled the room and I knew without a doubt that the Holy Spirit was among us.  I looked around and the room was so bright but it did not hurt my eyes.  My mind tuned in to the beautiful prayer streaming out of my son’s mouth.  His speech was not clear, but at this moment I understood what my son was saying.  His face beamed as he continued with his prayer.  When he was finished, both the doctor and I had tears in our eyes.  This man of God looked at the floor and then at me.  “I just felt like I climbed Jacob’s ladder.” He said.  “I just got my answer to a prayer I’ve been praying for quite a while now.”  He rubbed the back of Justin’s head and said “Thank you” before he quietly disappeared out of the door.

     I will never forget God using my son to answer someone’s prayer.  It was a day filled with blessings and the start of a very special friendship for Justin.  What I learned was that God will use us only if we are willing and God will answers prayers if we humble ourselves and listen for the answer.   

    Listen not only with your ears, but listen to what God is whispering to your heart.  Keep praying and be obedient to God.  You never know when God will send you an answer to your prayer.

 

     As always, thank you for reading.   Angela :)

   



It's on God's Time

IT'S ON GOD'S TIME

Justin in October 2014

 

I have said many prayers over the years begging God to heal my son.  My heart was broken when I realized my prayers went unanswered every time Justin had a bout with his seizures. Why wouldn't God stop these dreadful seizures from plaguing an innocent child?  I realized at one point if Justin's healing was to come about then it would be on God's time and not mine. 

I found comfort in Proverbs 3:5-6 KJV which states "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."  It has become one of my favorite scriptures.  I don't understand why some things have happened.  It is a test that we must go through and I realized if I trusted in God, then he would help us through these trying times.

I now fast forward from Justin's toddler years to his late teen years and am overjoyed to say that God healed my son of his seizures.  He has been seizure free for quite some time and off seizure medication for about six months now.  What have I learned from this?  One word.....patience.

In closing I would like to say, don't give up.  Trust in God more than you trust in yourself and remember to be thankful for the prayers God has already answered.

Thanks for reading,
Angela :)

God Makes No Mistakes

God Makes No Mistakes

Justin in 2008

 

I read an article that really touched my heart about a boy with down syndrome asking his mother what happened to him.  The mom responded that nothing happened to him and God just made it harder for him to learn but easier to love.  What a great way to look at it.  God made all of us different and He done it for a reason.

It says in the bible that He knew us before we were even born and He knit us together while we were in the womb.  It even says He knows the plans He has for us, plans to prosper and not hurt us.  Yes, He has a plan for every person; even a person with disabilities. 

Many times we get caught up in trying to find a hidden meaning as to why certain things happen, but sometimes we have to just accept things as they are.  It is then we can put our trust in God and know that He is in control.  It is then, we can come to terms with the situation and confront the issues that lie ahead.  It is then when we learn to love unconditionally.  Maybe just maybe, that was part of God's plan after all.

As always thanks for reading,
Angela :)

Sticks and Stones

STICKS AND STONES

Justin and Joshua in 2009

 At times I let my frustration and feelings of helplessness get the best of me as the inability to control Justin’s seizures began to affect his development.  I knew his well-being depended on my understanding his medical problems, but I was lost in all the terminology from his doctors and therapists.   I read everything I could get my hands on, but it went over my head.  I continued to search for something to make sense and give me a glimmer of hope that my son would be alright.

 

 I found that glimmer of hope when Justin was labeled developmentally delayed at sixteen months of age.  I was determined to work hard with Justin so he could get back on target with his development, but the next year and a half would prove to be a very trying time for us both.  With every step forward Justin made in progress, his seizures knocked him back two. It never seemed to break Justin’s spirit even though it broke my heart every time he had to relearn walking, talking, and going to the potty. 

 

Evaluations had also become a big part of our lives, so I thought nothing of it when the school system wanted to run their tests when he was three years old.  After all I didn’t expect to learn anything new, but I was surprised when it took longer to fill out their forms and answer questions than it took for them to conduct their evaluation.  When all was said and done, I wanted to know if they found him delayed also, but was only told the results would be mailed to me.  Nothing to do now but wait, I thought to myself as we left the office.

 

And wait is what I did.  After two weeks the day finally arrived when I opened the mailbox and saw the letter I had been expecting.  I walked back home and sat at the kitchen table.  I held the letter in my hand for a long time before I finally decided to open it.  I took a deep breath and ran my finger under the flap of the envelope to retrieve the two page letter.  “Why am I so nervous?”  I asked myself.  “This one will say he’s delayed also.”   My eyes began to search for the words that had given me hope for the past year and a half, but they were nowhere to be found.

 

 Instead my eyes fixated on the big X mark next to “mental retardation.”  I closed my eyes and shook my head as if it would change the words I had just read.  They’ve sent me the wrong results I thought while quickly looking at the envelope and then the letter.  Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw Justin’s name on both.  I threw them to the other side of the table and buried my face in my hands.  My vision of a normal life for my son grew dimmer with each tear that fell.

 

 I cried until I had no tears left to cry and I prayed until I had no prayer left to pray.  Many questions raced through my mind.  What do I do now?  How would people treat him when they find out?  Would he ever be truly accepted?  I have found my questions have been answered over time. 

 

 What I did was continue to love and help Justin as I did before.  I have watched him succeed at things and I’ve watched him fail at things, but that’s no different than the rest of us.  We all succeed and fall short.  We just have to be willing to pick ourselves up and keep going. 

 

 I also haven’t had to worry too much about how people treat Justin.  He has such an outgoing personality and loves just about everyone.  The ones that really take the time to know Justin become smitten with him.  He has buddies just about everywhere we go and if he isn’t with me, they always ask where their buddy is.  Of course we’ve run into some rude people but I just try to brush it off and focus on the positive.

 

 In closing, I would have to say Justin is who he is and I love and accept him no matter what.  God knew what He was doing when he created Justin and I should not question what I can’t fully understand.  I’ve watched Justin grown into the handsome, sweet young man he is today and my heart fills with pride knowing how far he has come even with all the obstacles that have been thrown his way.

 

As always, thanks for reading.

Angela

Justin's Angels In Disguise

Justin's Angels In Disguise

Justin and "Doodle"

As I began to ponder Psalm 121:2 KJV which states "My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth.", I realized just how much help God has provided for Justin.  Most people with special needs have very few people in their lives they can truly depend on, but this is not the case for my son.  From the time he was a toddler, people have been drawn to him and it has not changed as he has grown older.

 

My mom and dad are the first ones I believe are some of Justin's angels in disguise.  From the moment he was born, they have been there for us.  Accepting him as he is, they have always made sure he is part of the family.  As he has grown, I've witnessed the closeness that has developed between them.  For this I am grateful.

 

Joshua and Savannah are more of Justin's angels in disguise.  They treat him no different than they would other kids.  They play and fight just like "normal" siblings would do, but they also look out for their big brother.  Again, he is made to feel a part of the family.  For this I am grateful.

 

When we get out of the realm of our little family, I begin to look at the people from our church.  Here again I have found more of Justin's angels in disguise.  From his Sunday school teacher he has nicknamed "pickle toes" to both our preachers to members of the congregation, they have welcomed him and love him as he is.  For this I am grateful.

 

Justin has also been blessed with wonderful therapists and teachers who have helped him through the years, but one assistant stands out in my mind.  Justin has nicknamed her "doodle".  She loves him and looks out for him like he were one of her own.  Justin even threatens to tell "doodle" on me when he can't go to school.  She is another one of Justin's angels in disguise.  For this I am truly grateful.

 

In closing, I would like to say if we focus on the positive instead of the negative and take a look around we may be able to see the "angels" God has placed in our lives to help us.  As I look around now, I see these angels and many more.  We may even be someone's help and not realize it.

 

Thanks to all our "angels" out there who give so much of their time to make life better for Justin.  We love you all more than you know.

 

As always, thanks for reading.

Angela :)

 

  

Booger Bandit

BOOGER BANDIT

Justin and Joshua - Spring 1999

 

 When Joshua was little, Justin did everything in his power to aggravate the little fellow, but he learned quickly that when Justin came near, it usually meant trouble. He kept a watchful eye on his tormentor and would toddle away as fast as he could at the first sign of trouble, but Justin was almost four years older and always caught him.  I was usually close enough to stop Justin before he could carry out his plan of action, but on this particular day I wasn’t quite close enough. 
 
There were no doctor or therapy appointments for Justin so the boys and I spent a lazy afternoon at home.  I sat on the couch and cross stitched while the boys played with their toys on the living room floor.  I glanced at the blue framed clock that hung on the wall behind me.  The old expression, “time flies when you’re having fun”, came to mind when I realized it was later than I expected.  It was time for supper and I had no idea what to cook, but I knew it would to be something quick and easy.  

I left the boys in front of the TV watching Barney as I made my way to the kitchen.  I fumbled around in the pantry and refrigerator for a few minutes, before deciding on fish sticks with mac and cheese.  “Hey boys” I said while going back into the living room.  “Do you want fish sticks with mac and cheese for supper?”  They were still sitting in front of the TV, but I could tell something was up, I just didn’t know what.  Justin grinned so big that it looked as if the rest of his face disappeared.  “Yeah! Yeah! Mac cheese!  Mac cheese!”  He said as he bounced up and down.

I then looked at Joshua who would not take his eyes off Justin.   “What’s wrong?” I asked as I knelt down beside him.  Joshua looked at me as if to say, “You poor, misled woman.  You know Justin can only be nice to me for short periods of time.  The time of peace is almost over.  He’s up to something.  I just know it.”  I shifted my focus back to Justin who gave Joshua an uncanny grin.    He didn’t give a clue as to the mischievous plan he had conceived to carry out against his brother, but I could see the wheels turning in that little head of his.

To be on the safe side, I decided to separate them.  I slipped a video in the VCR for Justin and took Joshua with me.  I sat him on the kitchen floor to play with his toys while I preheated the oven for fish sticks.  My mind wondered to the list of things I needed to do the next day as I put a pot of water on the stove for the mac and cheese.  I didn’t think much about it when I heard Justin laugh uncontrollably in the living room.  I just thought he was tickled with his Sesame Street video.

Just then Joshua yelled and started to cry.  I quickly turned around to see he was not playing in the kitchen anymore like I thought he was.  Panic set in and I snatched the pot of water off the stove and ran around the corner to see what was going on. When I got to the living room, I found Justin sitting on top of his little brother.

“Justin! Get off your brother right now!”  I sternly said with a hand on my hip.    Justin looked at me and grinned. He placed one hand on Joshua’s forehead to hold it in place and then quickly shoved a finger up the little fellow’s nose.  I quickly ran over and got Justin off his brother.  When I set him back down on the floor, I notice a stringy booger dangling from the end of his fingertip.  “Gross!”  I exclaimed as I ran to the kitchen to get a paper towel, but upon my return with napkin in hand, I noticed Justin “snacking” on the fine catch from his brother’s nose. 

I scolded him as we went to the bathroom and washed his hands. “It’s bad enough eating your own boogers Justin, but that’s just nasty to eat someone else’s.”  I cringed as I thought about what happened a few moments earlier and had him wash his hands again.  After his hands were dried, I made him sit at the kitchen table and put Joshua in his high chair.

At least I don’t have to fix appetizers I thought while finding a little humor in what happened.   As I put food on their plates, I saw Justin wiggle a finger in his brother’s direction.   Joshua covered his nose with both little hands and began to whine.  “It’s ok sweetie, mommy’s here.”  I said as I sat between them.  “Justin won’t bother your boogers any more.”  While I watched Justin inhale his mac and cheese, I imagined a black mask around his eyes as I playfully called him my “booger bandit.”

A Year For New Possibilities

A Year For New Possibilities


Christmas 2013

Jeremiah 29:11 KJV states "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."  This says to me God has a plan for us...all of us.  He wishes us to prosper in this life and have peace but when we turn to our own ways, our lives can be filled with turmoil.
 

Justin's birthday is January 6 and it was hard to believe he turned 19.  Yes, you read that right.  He is now 19 years old.  I can hardly believe it.  Where did the time go?  Where is my little boy?  I've had to face the fact that he is no longer my baby, but he is now a young man.

 

I think back to when he was born and all the plans I had for him.  Some of the plans have come to pass and some haven't and I am okay with that because I know God has bigger plans for him than I ever imagined.  I've seen God's hand move in his life and witnessed my son being used by our Father in Heaven.  The feeling surrounding those moments is priceless.

 

As we have entered a new year, I realize it is a year filled with new possibilities.  Chances for God to use all of us for His will if only we will open up and let Him.  It's hard to turn away from our way of doing things, but our Heavenly Father knows what is best for us.  He knows the plans he has for us.  They won't hurt us.  In fact, these plans will do just the opposite.  They can bring the peace and love to our lives that we have been seeking. 

 

Wouldn't it be wonderful, if we would all be obedient to the plans God has for us and follow him instead of lusting after the world?

 

Thanks for reading and Happy New Year.

Angela :) 

Taking Care Of Special Needs

Taking Care Of Special Needs

 

Joshua helping Justin put-put.

I have been watching the interaction between Joshua and Justin at the High School as they walk ahead of me toward Justin's class.  With all the talking and laughing, they look more like two good friends hanging out than brothers.  Over the years, their relationship has grown stronger and I've come to realize Joshua has become an important part of Justin's life.  Even though I take care of Justin's "special needs", Joshua takes care of Justin's "normal needs."

 

Being a teenager and young adult is an awkward time in anyone's life as we search for where we fit in with society.  As I watch Joshua search for his place in society, I've noticed he has helped Justin find acceptance within his group of friends.  It's something I haven't really been able to do for Justin and it warms my heart to see his brother attend to his needs without knowing what he is doing.

 

With that being said I've noticed my job of taking care of Justin's "special needs" is posing to be more of a challenge as he gets older.  I didn't realize there was such a big gap in people providing services for young adults with disabilities.  I call providers but they either stop taking people around age 13 or they deal with the elderly.  What are the care takers of young adults with disabilities supposed to do?  Where are we supposed to turn?  I haven't yet found my answer, but it won't stop me from continuing my search for my son.

 

In times when we can't find an answer, we have to take it one day at a time and be thankful for the needs that are taken care of.  It can be so easy to focus on what hasn't been accomplished, but it doesn't have to be like that.  Continue to work on issues that need to be taken care of, but don't forget to take a breather and enjoy life.  Don't forget to take care of yourself.

 

Going now to take a breather.  Thanks for reading.

Angela :)

When Should Bullying Be Ignored?

When Should Bullying Be Ignored?

Justin



A great deal of attention has been brought to the subject of bullying.  Bullying isn't limited to able-bodied people with huge egos wanting to belittle those they feel are beneath them, but people with special needs can be bullies as well.  I didn't realize just how much of an issue this was until Justin became the target of a bully; a bully who was also special needs.  Many who bully use the excuse they do what is being done to them, but I don't totally buy into this.  If someone were in someway mistreated, don't they in turn make sure they don't mistreat others because they know how it feels? 

I also have to ask myself where are the parents of the bullies and do they care what their children are doing?  Sadly to say, many parents of bullies don't care as long as their children are out of their hair.  Their lack of disciplining their children and showing them the love and respect they so crave comes out in their children's everyday actions and many times these actions are against their peers.  Then when parents are confronted with the inappropriate behavior, they either lose their temper with the one confronting them or ignore the situation all together.  How can anything get accomplished when we keep running into a brick wall?

I try to rear my children to be respectful of those around them and to treat others the way they would want to be treated.  Sometimes this means we have to stand up to what others want to sweep under the rug, because ignoring the situation achieves nothing and in some cases makes the situation worse.  It also sends a message to our children who are being bullied that they are not important and I want them to know they are just as important as everyone else. 

Trying to change the world for the better, one bully at a time.
Angela :)

Wrongfully Judging Others

Wrongfully Judging Others

You judging me?!?
Justin in 2008

Luke 6:41-42 (KJV) states "And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?  Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother's eye."  These verses speak to me on so many different levels, but what sticks out the most is something that is running rampant in today's society;  pointing out someone else's faults without seeing the bigger faults in your own life.

 

Some are so judgmental and quick to point out the "faults" with our special needs children while being totally oblivious to the bigger "faults" of their own children.  They find our children's "odd" behavior off putting and many times criticize us for "not disciplining" the child correctly.  I would like to ask those who think they have the answer to straightening out our children if they have really opened their eyes and taken a closer look at what their children are doing.  Many times our children make "horrible noises" because they are non-verbal and have no other way to get our attention when something is wrong.  They are not deliberately trying to cause a scene and we as their parents don't always know when they are going to have a "meltdown."  Instead of passing judgement and calling our children names, I would encourage you to look at your perfectly healthy child snickering and making fun of my mine.  Why do you not judge them for their behavior or do you see nothing wrong with it? 

 

How would you want people to treat your child if the shoe was on the other foot?  How would you want people to treat you?  Before you pass judgement on a special needs parent or their child, try to understand their may be more to the situation than meets the eye and then set a good example for your children.  Teach them compassion.  Teach them to accept.  Teach them to love.  Teach them to treat my child the way they would want to be treated if this had happened to them.

 

Going to try and teach my children the value of spending the evening together.  Thanks for reading.

Angela  :)

My Love - Hate Relationship With Leg Braces

My Love - Hate Relationship With Leg Braces
 

Justin in 2001

Justin didn't really walk until he was three and has worn some type of foot or leg support since he was a couple of years old.  He began with shoe insets, then went to ankle braces.  After that came the braces which came  up to his knees which he wore until he was eleven, and for over a year now he is back in ankle braces.  I had the love-hate relationship with the ones which came up to his knees.  

I especially hated them during the summer months.  I loved the fact they helped him walk better, but people would stare because they were more noticeable when he wore shorts.  These braces were  made of plastic and made his legs hot.  When I took them off in the evenings, his socks would be wet with sweat.  His shoes also had to be several sizes larger than he normally wore and this made he look like he had clown feet; especially when he picked out bold, multi-colored shoes.

Sometimes I wonder why I hated those braces so much when the only time Justin really complained was when they hurt his feet.  Why couldn't I just be happy he was able to walk better when he wore them?  Maybe they were a constant reminder of Justin's daily struggle to just get from point A to point B without falling.  Maybe it was because it pointed out to people Justin was "different".  Then again, maybe it was a guilt I felt because I couldn't fix it for him.

I know this daily issue is part of what makes Justin who he is and I know I am doing all I can to ensure he progresses as much as possible, but I can still close my eyes and see him walking without dragging his right foot or holding onto my arm to keep his balance.  I then realize this will one day be a reality for him.  Maybe not here on earth in this flesh body which will always be riddled with problems, but he will have a perfect body when he makes it to Heaven.  I pray he will be here on earth for many more years to come, but I also rejoice in the knowledge that one day he will be made whole.

Thanks for "walking" down memory lane with me,

Angela :)

Growing Up Is Hard To Do



Growing Up Is Hard To Do

 

Boys at the State Fair in Oct 2012



The hustle and bustle of a new school year has begun and I am left wondering where the summer went.  Since both the boys are at the high school now, I am really left wondering where the time with them as children has gone.  I realize they have grown up way too fast as my mind wonders back to their first day in kindergarten.

Justin was too medically fragile to attend school to begin with, so we started out his education with teachers and therapists coming to the house, but the day did arise when I had to take him to school.  I thought it would be a tough transition for him since he hadn't been in school before, but the fact of the matter was it was tougher on me.  I remember walking him to his classroom and he clumsily ran off to play with his classmates.  No hug... no kiss... just the slam of the door in my face.  I must have stood looking through the window too long because the teacher came to the door and reassured me Justin would be fine. 

I then drift back in time to Joshua's first day of kindergarten.  The boys went to school on the first day; the girls on the second and both boys and girls came together on the third day.  I thought the transition for him would be easy, but was I ever wrong.  I literally dragged him across the school parking lot and to his classroom where he sobbed and clung to me.  He was ok going back on the third day until "the girls" started walking through the door.  "But mommy, there's girls."  He whispered in my ear.  I pulled him close and said, "Well, mommy's a girl."  Then with a bewildered look on his face, he replied "No you're not.  You're mommy!" 

I was brought back to reality when both boys got out of the car to go to class.  No they aren't the same little boys I remember dropping off at kindergarten, but then they aren't supposed to be.  They are supposed to grow and become more independent.  Even though they still have alot of growing up to do, I can look at them and see who they are becoming and this makes me such a proud mommy.

Trying to see them for the young men they are becoming instead of the child I remember.
Thanks for reading,
Angela :)

Making Sense Out Of Sensory Issues

MAKING SENSE OUT OF SENSORY ISSUES
 

Justin at therapy in 2004

 I understand that Sensory Processing Disorder occurs when the brain doesn't receive and interpret signals from our senses correctly, but I still have problems making  "sense" of Justin's sensory problems.  My mind just can't grasp how in some ways he can get overstimulated, but then understimulated in other ways.  For the parents of children with these issues, I am sure you know what I'm talking about.  We spend many hours trying to figure out what sets them off and then we spend many more hours searching for a solution. 

One of Justin's biggest daily struggles stemmed from combing his hair so I reevaluated the situation.  I like Justin to have a little bit of hair to comb and style, but asked myself if it was really worth the daily fight and my answer was no.  So my dad and I have worked with him to be able to use clippers on his hair and keep it short.  It has certainly made for a less stressful morning for both Justin and I when he can get up in the morning and not have to worry about his hair.

I've also noticed Justin would have issues in crowded, noisy or new environments and when he was younger, he would have a total meltdown.  I'm talking about hands over the ears, slumping to the ground as if all energy had left his body and screaming to the top of his lungs.  Several times I've had to scoop him up in my arms and leave.  Of course I would hear the occasional "All that boy needs is a good spanking to straighten him out."  I would feel the tears well up in my eyes and I wanted to turn around and give them a piece of my mind, but the mother in me made me focus on my son.  To deal with this issue better I do two things; one is I make sure he has fidgeters on a lanyard around his neck and the second thing is I use music therapy.  These things being put into place hasn't eliminated his issues in different environments, but it has made things less stressful for him.  It has been years since he has had a total meltdown.

I could go on and on about his sensory issues, but the point I'm trying to make is that we just take it one step at a time.  If something doesn't work, well then we try something else.  Just keep in mind, even though we may not totally understand what our kids are going through, we can still work hard at making their world a little less stressful which in turn makes our world a little more peaceful.

Wishing you all an evening of peace,
Angela :)

My Brother, My Friend

MY BROTHER, MY FRIEND

 

Justin and Joshua  - Summer of 2003

Justin, who was nine at the time, should have been able to do twice as much as Joshua who was five, but it didn’t work out like that.  They played together all the time, but Justin noticed he was “different” and couldn’t do the things that his little brother could do. At times, his frustration got the best of him and he wanted to give up, but Joshua’s tendency to include his big brother made Justin feel “normal”.  Never had this inclusion been as important to Justin as it was one day when I took the boys to play at the park.

 

As I pulled into the gravel parking lot, I noticed several kids already on the playground.  Afte we walked through the wrought iron gate, the boys took off running toward the swings.  Justin laughed as he ran clumsily behind his little brother and finally made it to his destination. He studied Joshua's every move, but couldn’t seem to grasp the concept of how to swing.  “Hold on.” I said and gave him a little push. Justin’s eyes lit up when he began to swing just like Joshua. 

 

I looked around and noticed a wooden bench under a pine tree just a few feet away.  I sat down and had pulled a book out of my blue tote bag when I saw a small group of kids running around.  They made their way to the swings and began to strike up a conversation with the boys.  Justin tried to talk with them, but they could not understand his gibberish.  The four kids began to focus their attention on Joshua and ignored Justin.  After talking for a few minutes, Joshua and his new friends ran off to play on the monkey bars leaving Justin by himself.  The smile disappeared from Justin’s face as he watched the other kids have fun without him.

 

My heart broke when he looked up at me with tears in his eyes.  “I play Joshy.”  He said as he pointed to the other kids.   “Do you want to swing some more?” I asked as I knelt down in front of him.  “I not do it.”  He said as he looked down at the ground.  “What about something to drink?”  I asked as I reached into my bag.  Justin sighed.  “No.  No tank you.”  He said. 

 

The sounds of the other children laughing and playing echoed across the playground as I sat in the swing beside him.  After we sat for a few minutes I saw Joshua and his buddies run toward Justin.  They were out of breath by the time they made it to him.  Joshua bent forward and placed his hands on his knees and tried to catch his breath.  I was so proud of Joshua when he asked if Justin could play with them.  “It’s ok with me, but maybe you should ask him.” 

 

Justin's face lit up like a Christmas tree when Joshua asked if he wanted to play with them.  "Yeah!  Yeah!”  Justin squealed with excitement. Joshua then turned to the other kids and said “This is my brother Justin.  He has seizures in his head, but he likes to play just like us.”  Justin stood up and his new found friends waved to him.  “To the monkey bars!”  They all exclaimed as they ran off together.  Of course Justin lagged behind, but it didn’t seem to bother anyone.  My eyes filled with tears of joys when the other kids cheered Justin on until he made it to where they stood.

 

The kids played for a long time…running, laughing, having fun.  I decided it was time to go when I noticed some of the other kids leave to go home.  “Alright boys.  It’s time to go.”  I said as I stood up and swung the tote bag over my shoulder.   “Awwww mom!  Do we have to?”  Joshua asked looking up at me with his big brown eyes.  “Come on.”  I said with a tussle of his hair.  Justin had a sparkle in his eyes and a big smile on his sweet little face when he said “Dat fun Mama.”  “I’m glad you had fun, but I bet you’re tired.”  I said as I bent over to adjust the strap on his leg brace.  “I sweepy.”  He said as he rubbed his eyes.   “Both of you will probably sleep well tonight.”  I said when I stood back up.

 

As we began our walk to the car, I heard someone yell, “Justin!  Joshua!  Wait a minute!”  The three of us turned around to see a freckle faced little boy running towards us.  “Do you have to go now?”   He asked while looking up at me with big pleading blue eyes.  “I guess we can stay a little longer if they want to.”  I replied as I glanced in the boys’ direction.  Cheers filled the air as all three boys jumped up and down with excitement.

 

I watched the three of them run to the swings.  Justin sat down while Joshua and their  friend took turns pushing him.  Justin’s sweet laughter filled the air as he went higher and higher.  I realized at that moment how important this was for Justin.  After all, he wants what we all want….friends, love and acceptance.  Joshua without realizing what he had done, made that moment possible for his big brother just by letting the children know that Justin is just like them….a boy who wants to run, play and have fun.

 

Thanks to all my friends for reading,

Angela :)

 

A Much Needed Vacation

A Much Needed Vacation



Justin at the beach

We all have our daily routines which is well and good but everyone needs a break from time to time......a change in scenery.....in other words, a vacation. That's exactly what we did with the family this summer when we went to Wilmington, NC.  We took a much needed getaway to somewhere we hadn't been before and it was exciting deciding what we should do.  The scenery was beautiful and we couldn't have asked for better weather. 

The thing the kids loved the most was when we visited the USS North Carolina. Tim and Joshua kept Savannah in their grasp as I helped Justin move around the battleship.  There was alot of climbing up and down stairs and this worried me a little since Justin's balance isn't the best in the world, but he climbed those steps just as good as I did.  After awhile though, I could tell his legs were getting tired and I made him sit down on a bench to take a break.  I was pleasantly surprised at how well he held up and his sensory problems didn't get the best of him.

We also visited the Railroad Museum and the Cape Fear Serpentarium.  Yes... a place where there were lots of snakes and crocodiles.  To be honest, it was kind of cool in its own creepy way.  We were all having fun until they began to let some of the snakes out to feed them.  At that point, Justin wanted to go.  I coaxed him over to a bench until the snake feeding was finished and then he leerily finished looking at the rest of the exhibits.

We also went to the beach.  I talked Justin into removing his boots, braces and socks and he walked along the edge of the water with me.  The water and sand washing over his feet scared him a little at first but he got used to it.  He would holler and then laugh with the anticipation of the next wave of water heading toward his skinny little toes.  I looked at the precious smile on Justin's face, then I looked over at my husband and daughter still walking along the water's edge before looking back at Joshua who was in the sand picking up sea shells.  We were all relaxed and at peace without a care in the world at that moment.

I realized it's not always the big things we do with our children that matter, but the small things we do that can have a lasting effect and make some of our most treasured memories.  The most precious gift we can give our kids is our time; even if it's just holding your child's hand while walking on the beach or looking at the sea shells they collected.  It makes them feel loved and important and in return we have memories that last a lifetime. 

Thanks for sharing in our memories,
Angela :)

My Own Little World

MY OWN LITTLE WORLD



I bought Justin a shirt one time which read "I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here."  I thought it fit Justin perfectly but as I began to ponder it further I realized it's true for everyone.  We are all responsible for what and who we let into our world and as we began to have children, we have the added responsibility to monitor their little world as well.  The world we create for our family should be one of comfort, peace and acceptance, but then why is there so much pain, suffering and heartache? 

 This question has been plagueing my mind since reading the news this past week.  One story was about the death of a 32 year old man with down syndrome.  They arrested the mother and sister in connection with his death.  The man had been locked in his room and forced to sleep on a child's bed covered with feces.  He had an untreated skin condition which caused sores to form so deep you could see the bone in some areas.  The shocker for me was that he weighed only 69 pounds at the time of his death.  Yes, you read that right.  A 32 year old man weighing only 69 pounds when he died.  The mother's only worry was wondering whether or not she would continue to draw her son's disability check even though he was dead.

The other story I read which brought me to tears was a local story about the death of a three year old little girl. The mother had already been sentenced to 20 years in prison in connection with the death and her boyfriend got life in prison.  Evidence showed this little angel had bruises all over her body and burns around her private areas.  She had an untreated urinary tract infection that spread to her kidneys and the blood stream, but it was also proven she had been raped several days before her death.

I can't understand why the people in these two individuals lives didn't try to ensure their world was free from this evil.  They had the ability to provide a safe haven but chose instead to be a part of the torment their children endured.  Why oh why does the innocent have to continue be the victims of the cruelness of this world?

I don't have the answers but I do know we don't have to worry about what is going on in these two individuals' world anymore.  They are with our Lord in Heaven and He tells us in Revelation 21:4 KJV  "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."

I urge each of us to take a look at our own world and the world of our children and if there is something we can do to ensure the safe, loving environment that is so needed to make sure they grow physically, mentally and spiritually, then please make the effort to do so.  We only have one shot at this.  We can't go back ten years from now and try to fix it.  It is something that must be done at this moment.

Thanks for taking time out of your day to be a part of my world.
Angela :)

Cuties Have Cooties

CUTIES HAVE COOTIES

Justin and Joshua

Warm rays of sunshine were cast down from the sky as pollen filled the air on that beautiful spring afternoon.  I saw yellow buttercups in full bloom as I parked my white Escort station wagon in front of Justin’s school.  The cold, dreary days of winter were gone and spring was definitely in the air.
 

Joshua was three and a half years old and sat quietly in the back playing with his hot wheels cars in the seat beside him.  I was greeted by his babyish grin when I opened the back car door.  His big, brown eyes met mine as I took him out of the car and placed him on the pollen covered sidewalk.  I couldn’t help but smile when he slipped his small hand in mine, led me to the front door of the school and said, “Gotta get brudder.”

I opened one of the heavy blue double doors and we walked inside.  It slammed behind us and echoed through the school as we started down the maze of hallways that led to the back of the school where Justin’s class was found.  Joshua stopped several times along the way to look at the colorful, whimsical murals that were painted on the walls.

As we approached the classroom door, I paused to admire his class’ artwork that was so proudly displayed on the bulletin board.  I felt my heart fill with joy as I looked at all the colors swirled together on the white piece of paper with Justin’s name on it.  To me, it meant he did something he found difficult that most people do with the utmost of ease. 

I turned from the colorful artwork when I heard the class room door open.  Justin’s teacher stepped into the hall and carefully closed the door behind her.  Jennifer brushed the blonde hair from her eyes.  She placed one hand on my arm and said, “I just have to tell you what Justin did today.  He was just so sweet.”  She then placed one hand over her heart and began, “During recess, Justin walked up to a group of girls and told them they were cuties!”  Not my boy, I thought.  Not flirting with little girls already at the tender age of seven.  Jennifer thought it was the most precious thing as she continued to give me details about the event.  I had to admit…..it was cute.

We eased into the classroom and I found Justin on the playmat dancing to children’s songs playing on the portable CD player that had been placed on a wooden table.  His small, frail body awkwardly moved to the music as he tried to snap his thin, little fingers.  His jean shorts revealed the braces he wore that came up to his knees.  He turned around as he danced to the music and I caught a glimpse of his angelic face.

Jennifer told him to get his book bag, but he was in his own little world and continued to dance.  She walked closer to him, clapped her hands and in a sterner voice told him again to get his book bag.  Justin clumsily walked over to his cubby and retrieved his Spider-Man book bag while he said “Time go.  Time go.”  He slowly made his way to where Joshua and I stood as his classmates told him goodbye.

We made our way back to the car and as I placed the boys in their seats, I asked Justin about the little girls he spoke to at recess.  “So, I heard you told some girls they were cuties.” I said as I buckled his seat belt.  Justin giggled and gave me a big smile.  His two front permanent teeth looked like they were too big for his little head and I couldn’t help but think he looked like Bugs Bunny when he smiled.  I laughed, told him he was silly and closed the back door.

When I opened the driver door and sat in the seat, I heard Justin say loudly “Key-oooooties!”  Then he and Joshua laughed like it was the funniest thing they’d ever heard.  “I know, I know.” I said.  “You think those girls were cuties.”  “No! No!” Justin exclaimed adamantly.  “Key-oooties!”  As I listened to the laughter bellowing from the back seat, it finally hit me like a bolt of lightning.  “Justin” I said. “Did you say those little girls were cuties or did you tell them they had cooties?!”  He glanced at me with a mischievous look on his sweet little face and said, “Yeah! Yeah!  Key-oooooties!”

It was that moment I realized I was still the only “girl” in my son’s life…..probably the only “girl” he could think of that didn’t have “cooties”.  As for Justin’s teacher, she still believes to this day that Justin told those girls they were “cuties”. 

Thanks for reading,
Angela :)

Doing Unto Others

Doing Unto Others

How Justin would look when he was mad.

 

God tells us in Matthew 7:12 (KJV) "Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them:"  and He goes on in 1Peter 3:9 (KJV) to tell us "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.  On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

We all want to be treated fairly, but have we always treated others fairly or have we done what was right for us and not care whether it was fair to others?  Have we always been kind to each other in our times of anger, or have we plotted revenge and said things to deliberately hurt someone's feelings just to get back at them?  I know it is hard to be kind to someone who is mean and hateful to you, but repaying them hatefulness for hatefulness does nothing but fuel the fire so to speak.  After all, isn't it easier to work out your differences if you chose to be kind instead of mean?

I began to look at how Justin views things and for the most part, he treats people the way he wants to be treated.  He also doesn't plot revenge to "get back at someone."  He knows when he hasn't been treated fairly and he'll be the first one to tell you "Dat wong.  Dat jus wong.  Apolgize Dudin (translation: That's wrong.  That's just wrong.  Apologize to Justin)".  On the same note, Justin also knows when he has done wrong and will apologize (when that stubborn streak isn't rearing its ugly head).  He wants things to be back to normal as quickly as possible and doesn't like for people to be mad at him.

Isn't that what God wants for us too?  He doesn't want us spending our time angry and bitter, but to spend our time at peace with those around us.  So my closing thought is this; instead of sowing seeds of discord, sow seeds of love, peace, kindness and understanding.  If you do that, watch the blessings you will reap.

Wishing all my readers peace and love,

Angela :)

 



Time Flies Whether You Have Fun Or Not

Time Flies Whether You Have Fun Or Not

Justin and Joshua "taking a break" 



If you are the parent of a special needs child, I don't have to tell you how demanding it can be with all the doctor and therapy appointments.  Add work, cleaning, cooking, and spending time with the rest of your family to the mix and you begin to feel there is not enough hours in the day to get everything done. I remember feeling so stressed at times trying to accomplish everything that I felt needed to be done,  that I wanted to pull my hair out.

When I start to feel like my life is in chaos, I am reminded of what the Lord tells us in Matthew 11:28 (KJV).  It states "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."  What beautiful and uplifting scripture this is!  God is letting us know He understands what we are going through, but trust and turn to Him and He will give us what we need.  We're not to be lazy, but we don't have to work ourselves to death either.

As I pondered this scripture, I began to look at my day differently.  Sure there is a long list of things I want to get done everyday, but I learned to prioritize my list.  Do what absolutely needs to be done first and then move on with the rest of the list.  At the end of the day, I began to look at what I accomplished instead of the list of things that still needed to be done. 

So my advice to you is to take time for yourself as well.  After all, will it really be the end of the world if you don't get to wash a load of clothes everyday?  My answer would have to be no.  Will it really make a difference if you take a few minutes for yourself or spend a few more minutes with your loved ones?  My answer would have to be yes.  Remember God knows our needs and we are important to Him just as our family is important to us and He will give us what we need if we trust in Him. 

In closing, I want to thank you for "taking the time" to read my blog. 
Angela  :)

Like A Child

Like A Child

Justin enjoying life.



I've watched Justin's physical development zoom past his mental development during his eighteen years on this earth.  Even though he is an adult, he still has the mentality of a young child.  I have wondered why God would allow this to take place and my eyes were opened in Matthew 18:2-3 (KJV).  It states  "2 And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them, 3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of Heaven."

I began to take a closer look at my son and noticed he still possesses an innocence and child-like faith that most of us lose when we approach adulthood.  We lose these qualities and find it hard to regain them when we get "too big for our britches" and start depending more on what we can do for ourselves instead of what we can do for God.  God's hand is upon us and He provides for us, but as we get older we sometimes want bigger and better things and start straying from the one who loves us beyond measure.

I took another look at my son and realized he doesn't care where his clothes come from or even if they have holes in them.  He wears them anyway and doesn't complain.  He worries not about what he is going to eat and never thinks it's not good enough or that he doesn't like it.  How many of us have to make sure our clothes match?  How many of us wouldn't be caught dead in a thrift store?  How many of us stick our nose up at what has been put in front of us to eat? 

I have also watched Justin be a blessing to so many people just by being obedient to what the Lord has placed on his heart.  It is with shame that I admit there have been times when the Lord has wanted me to do something and I didn't because I was scared of what people would think.  I worried more about fitting in or being talked about instead of obeying the one who has blessed me so much.

So in closing, I thank God for allowing me to see just how humble, trusting and obedient we can be if we move our own ego out of the way and depend on Him and be thankful for what we have been given.

Thanking God also for my faithful readers and that my words may touch someone.
Angela :)